Our honeymoon journey

In case anyone wants to know... or can get any good out of our experience.

I learned frugality from my parents, I learned that 'debt is bad' and you want to stay away from it. Kyle learned about not having much early on as well, but the message he took away from it was 'being broke is bad'. It's amazing how subtly different these two statements manifest themselves. I don't enjoy spending money (oh I still do it, but it guilts the crap out of me, I don't even enjoy my purchases, I get angry at them for tempting me), and he hates not having things he wants. We balance each other in that he tries to get me to lighten up about going out there and buying what I really want, and I try to reason him out of buying a truck, another TV, another car, a new engine for his Jeep, etc...

What does this have to do with honeymoon? Well, I am about to tell you:

As I've mentioned, we originally wanted to go to Hawaii because it was like, thee dream honeymoon; stereotypical, but for good reason.

(Shameless Ben Weldon Plug... I love our photographer!)


Then I saw the movie Couples Retreat... bad movie, awesome location:

Well, needless to say, only rich people can afford a honeymoon of any length in Bora Bora... Period. The flight alone can put you back $6,000 a couple! You haven't even seen a hotel room yet!!

The moral of the story is that I was intent upon finding a honeymoon location that felt luxurious and romantic without requiring us to sign over our first born child. Kyle wants the luxury, because he will be very cranky if it's not there, and I want to not go broke... because I will not enjoy myself if I'm constantly thinking about how much everything costs. Of course, we both want both of those things, I was just trying to maintain the style of the story :-)

So, it looked as if my dream in Tahiti was over before it began, unfortunately, what it did to me was make me yearn for my own little cottage/bungalow/hut where I had the option of not being bothered by anyone, ever. Enter Weddingbee.com, one of the bees posted about her Costa Rican honeymoon to Oxygen Jungle Villas:

Which looked so heavenly and seemed to answer all my prayers at only $180 a night! I also grudgingly discovered a love of all things boutique hotel. This one has glass walls, is adults only, and very modern furnishings! Well, Kyle brought me back down to earth by reminding me that we can't just go somewhere without knowing anything about it.

TripAdvisor to the rescue!! All of a sudden, whoa, wait a second, Costa Rica actually has a hell of a lot of boutique hotels... and almost all of them have separate villas... As a side note, why hasn't the rest of the world caught on to this?!?!

Armed with this new knowledge, I spent who knows how many hours on TripAdvisor and countless blogs and honeymoon sites, trying to find just the right place. Rancho Pacifico seemed perfect, but overpriced, but awesome, but way too expensive. Pranamar appeals to the zen part of me; yoga everyday, green living, but it was family friendly... which I will not be on my honeymoon... no grossness intended. Nayara is on TripAdvisor's list of most romantic hotels in the world (it's #5!) but it's not as new and modern... but it does have a swim up pool bar! Amazingly, if their measurements are to be trusted, they also have the biggest rooms, which was not a priority, but a surprise when you looked at their price. And finally, there was Casa Chameleon, which is younger and therefore isn't on anyone's list just yet, but has 98% positive feedback on TripAdvisor, and, I dunno', have I mentioned yet that you get your own pool!

Yes, that would be all ours! So we were now looking at a larger price tag than we originally anticipated (as compared to Oxygen Jungle Villas) but still not as large as the price tag in Hawaii and nowhere near the price tag in Bora Bora.

All that was left to do was find flights and it seemed that we would be golden! Kyle has over 100,000 miles with US Airways, so we would even be flying for free.........

SCREEEEEEECCCHHHH!!!!!!!

 Wait wha-?! How is this my best match, US Airways? 16 hours to get there?? 22 hours to get back?! 8 hour layovers? California to Las Vegas to Philadelphia?!?! $2,676?! PER PERSON?! No I do not want to save $50, that's not very helpful right now! Turns out, also, that you can't even use miles unless you leave and return on a Sunday (and it's 80,000 miles per person!)... and you have to get to the airport at 4 AM! What is going on?! I'd expect this out of American Airlines, not out of you, US Airways! I'm very disappointed in you. This isn't working out. Oh hey American Airlines! I didn't realize you were there...

OK, wow, is all I have to say about that... 7 hour flights, a tad early leaving, and maybe a tad late getting home, but compared to US Airways... the price is almost half! I mean two AA tickets cost HALF what one ticket costs from US. And the stops are ridiculously logical and there's normal layover times. I mean, I thought all that hard work was for nothing, ya'll. For serious, I think we would have to start all over again looking for a honeymoon destination closer to home, something in the US Virgin Islands or Jamaica or something... and I was not happy to have to settle with an ordinary hotel. BUT American Airlines came to the rescue! Not only that, but I have AA miles!! I had to go to Australia for work a few years ago and it got me 30,000 miles (by the way, I do not recommend it). Oh, check it out, any day of the week, the flight through AA only costs 35,000 miles! So even though my meagre miles don't compare to Kyle's, I can still pay for one ticket with them!

In short, I am very excited that things are working out so well. After some minor roadblocks, things are falling into place. So once more, and hopefully for the last time, a new price breakdown:

• Hotel: $3,556
• Food: $900
• Airfare: $1,406 (less of course, because one ticket will be paid for) 
• Flight: 7 hours, one stop. *Note, we would still have to take a small puddle jumper plane to get from the international airport in Costa Rica to the one closer to the resort, but the flights are about $40 each.
• TOTAL: $5,159

Translation: more expensive than originally supposed, but less expensive than Hawaii still (Thank God, because that was the whole reason I did all this work!). And I can't say enough about the value, I mean, it's worth that money, and while it is a lot, I'll be helping him pay for it where I can, and there are down payments and whatnot that spread the hurt out a little. The point is, we can both swallow this with no trouble, my frugality is intact, and his need for getting what he wants in life; what he and we deserve, is met.

So what does everyone think? Is there anyone out there as anal as me in examining your options? Any other data hoarders out there?! Did anyone else have this much trouble figuring out their honeymoon?

Someone else's wedding, shower, baptism...

I've been a little mind-blocked about our wedding because I've been so preoccupied with other friends' engagements. I have never had so many invitations hanging on my fridge in my life! I have a spa day and a bachelorette party for Mia coming up, which, as a bridesmaid, I am also helping to coordinate, Kyle's cousin is having a baby and so her baby shower is also coming up. Our friends Nick and Julie are having the baptism of their son and of course, Mia's actual wedding is fast approaching! I already bought my bridesmaid dress, but I now need my shoes and a whole mess of other small things that I can't keep track of.

As such, as I've been trying to focus on figuring out where we'll honeymoon, I haven't done much more wedding stuff the past few days, especially because my measley paycheck is geared more towards others this month! I wanted to buy some balsa wood flowers and wood slabs this month to do a mock-up of the reception centerpieces... but shipping for a wood slab is ridiculous, I guess they're heavy!

As building blocks for a bouquet/bout and a centerpiece!

Very exciting... eventually. These things do need to get figured out soon, especially because flowers need to get figured out soon, but thankfully, not this month. Anywho! That's not all, we have narowed down our honeymoon destination considerably! We've narrowed it down to Casa Chameleon:

And Arenal Nayara:

But in my heart of hearts, I still haven't given up on the mucho expensivo Rancho Pacifico:

Or the less inclusive but still visually tempting Pranamar:

I won't bore you with all the details, but for the price, you get so much for the money from Casa Chameleon. It's both of our favorite right now. You have your own pool, everything's open and breezy, nice canopy bed, rain shower, stone tub for two, etc... It's not as modern as Rancho Pacifico and not as green-looking as Pranamar, but it's still a relatively new hotel in a great location (right on the beach). Nayara is also not as modern or green, but it's on TripAdvisor's list of most romantic hotels in the whole world. It's the cheapest of all these options and the easiest to get to and it has the most square footage... buuuuut it's just not my favorite... I mean, of my original 20 or so, it's top five, but not top one. I think that what's holding me back there is that it's in the center of Costa Rica, and even though I don't plan on spending too much time at the beach, I feel like I'll be disappointed if going to a beach is not an option.

Anyway, there's lots to mull over, and decisions to be made soon, but for now, it's bed time.

Lastly though, some shoe porn! Here's the shoes I'm getting as bridesmaid for Mia's wedding:

I'm so excited because they're adorable! I wouldn't normally splurge on shoes I don't need, but because it's for her wedding, I can't think of better, cuter shoes to be able to actually wear again after the wedding! Anyway, goodnight for now!

Age before Beauty??

I want to first start out by saying thank you to everyone who offered comments and help on the wedding dress dilemma. Everyday I come closer and closer to realizing that I know which dress is my dress. I, myself, won't even know though until I walk into that store. The best I can do right now is be almost 100% sure...

But anyway, the point of this post is to beg even more advice/comments/commiseration:

In your relationship(s) who gets listed first?

Well???

When you post pictures up on Facebook, is it him and me? or is it me and him?

Is it Beauty and the Beast?

Or is it Tarzan and Jane?

(Incidentally, whacking me upside the head and dragging me to his cave is how Kyle won my heart)




Is it Lady and the Tramp?

Or is it Romeo and Juliet??

(Yup, that version... What kind of sick twisted person would have her wake up before he was dead?? That's not Tragedy... it's Torture!)

Do you prefer Bonny and Clyde? or Sid and Nancy???

For us personally, it's always been Kyle and Ashley. I'm not a ring leader. Kyle is more decisive, more direct, more commanding (he whacked me upside the head and dragged me to his cave for pete's sake). Our friends always refer to us as Kyle and Ashley, and I'm completely okay with it. I'm a little old-fashioned when it comes to him in that I treat him like the big 'bring-bacon' man and I would be perfectly happy being the little stay at home wife with a cocktail waiting for him at home every evening (you know the one; she's wearing a cute little apron over her cocktail dress, she's wearing make-up and heels and has just finished vacuum cleaning ;)). But for awhile now, as we've been planning the wedding, things have changed, not because I'm doing all the planning, not because I'm the woman and the woman cares more what the names look like, but because convention always puts my name first! What can I do? Invitation wording always reads "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jane Smith to Tarzan Apeman" or if you go non-traditional, I've still always seen the woman's name first, whether you do a "together with their parents" or a straight up "Jane Smith and Tarzan Apeman request the honor of your presence..."

So what's the big deal? Well I ordered some address labels because Shutterfly was having a deal and they were free... I think we're just going to print (like from a printer) our address on our envelopes, so I don't need these, but they were free. Anyway, I ordered them as "Ashley and Kyle" with our address underneath and he was just a touch offended by it. There was a hint of amusement in his tone, but he seemed to imply that his manhood was hurt... Now this sounds just like what a man who has always been listed first would say, and for that reason, I almost scoffed at him for being presumptuous but instead I tried to explain that this was how it was in weddingland.

Then he brought up our monogram... We've decided to go with a monogrammed seal for sealing our envelopes and he said it should read KJA instead of AJK, with the J being larger in the middle. His reasoning was that we could use it after the wedding too and then it would be in the order that it should be in, Kyle before Ashley. I decided to let go the fact that I'd love to see if we ever actually need to seal anything in the future, but regardless, I was kinda' struck by all this... where was it coming from??

He says that he wants people to say "Oh will Kyle actually be there?" but the best (read:funniest) explanation I can think of comes direct from Tarzan and Jane. He's stuck either in caveman mode or in the Mad Men era. Now, before vilifying him, please understand that he is a wonderful, woman-loving, non-chauvanistic man, these ideas are deep down in him I think, and this is how they manifest themselves. He would prefer I think of him as a Romeo, one who would die for love or something like that, and that's why his name should go first. This is also true and he would do anything for me, but still, what still makes me chuckle a little is how he actually felt his manhood questioned a little.

To Kyle, if you are reading: Everyone who will be at the wedding knows that you are always first, I am not opposed to it. The wedding has always been kind of a bride's day, ya' know? You are my Romeo, not my Beast or Tramp. And if it will make you feel any better, just look at it this way: Age before Beauty ;)

I'll let you all know if I win this one...

Menu Tasting

Firstly, thanks! to Steph C for using my LivingSocial link!! Okay, business:

I haven't had a chance to sit down and post for a few days, but this past weekend, we went back to our venue to have a menu tasting. Now, I have already kicked myself repeatedly for not bringing a camera, because the food was indeed pretty for wedding food. But no matter, I'm not going to spend too too much time on it anyway, so you're not missing anything.

Anywho... it was great! We were so pleasantly surprised! I mean, it wasn't gourmet 'I've died and gone to heaven' food, but it was much better than I expected. The salad was actually the highlight... who knew?! The veggies weren't too crisp or too soggy, the meat wasn't too tough or dry or too well done, I think we made good menu choices as everything was... not as stereotypical as one would expect of wedding food. Although, maybe chicken Chesapeake is kinda' stereotypical, but I love it, and so does Kyle, so get over it. Nothing was over- or under-seasoned, except for the au gratin potatoes, and so we changed that menu item, but that was the only thing we had to complain about! Which surprised me!! My parents went with us which was really nice because they know how to be honest without being mean or rolling over. I'm one or the other extreme; If I like something, I'll have a really hard time disagreeing with anything about it, but if I don't like or care about something, I will put it down very quickly and firmly, and kinda meanly... or so Kyle says.

Point is, we almost have our entire menu worked out, my parents and Kyle have encouraged me to cut a few hors d'oeuvres because we had five or something ridiculous like that; seeing as our coordinator Maureen served us only half portions of our meal and I was stuffed, I tend to agree with them.

On another note, my mom, Mia and I went dress shopping one. last. time. I will not dwell on this because I have spent sooooo much time on it in the past, but I just wanted to show my mom the David's Bridal Vera Wang dresses before I bought one. (Oh! side note, I mailed out a large box with my Vera Wang sample gown in it on Monday. It was just icing on the cake to be free of it! Yay!!) Now I am remembering why I was waiting to post: My mom took some nostalgia pictures of me in the Vera Wang Diana before it was mailed out, and Mia took some pictures of me in the new David's Bridal Vera gowns and neither of them have e-mailed me these pictures. Seeing as I've been busy this week, I am in no way scolding... but okay, now e-mail them to me... please... pretty please.

Until then, Kyle, go away, here are the two, the last two that I'm debating between:

I didn't think it would come down to this, because the one of the right has a much smoother bodice, something I didn't think I wanted BUT, it looked fantastic and the little ruching details were really cool and I love the one-shoulder and the skirt organza feels and looks smoother and more expensive than on the left hand dress. Weird considering they cost the same. HOWEVER, the raw, sort of gauzy looking organza on the left hand dress is the same as on the original Diana gown... I went right home and checked: the left hand dress is more true to Vera's original vision, AND would fit more into our raw, organic wedding. BUT, I also understand, and my mom felt, that I looked a little more polished in the one-shoulder, and like I said, it did look great and was very flattering. So amazingly, I'm back in some agonizing debate! After all this! I'm stuck again! I don't think this will be a particularly difficult decision, but it's still kind of a pain, that I thought I was done and now... I need to pick: the sleek, sexy, silky one that doesn't really fit my theme, or the less polished, but more raw, kinda' scrappy one that does?

Mia suggested I put it to a vote and while I'd love to hear any ideas, comments and/or suggestions, you should all know me by now enough to know I do not leave any decisions up to anyone else... ever. So I'm going to get the dress in two weeks (the earliest I can spare time for the drive). As in this decision will get made, no matter what! In two week's time!! And THEN, you'll never have to hear about it again, I promise.

LivingSocial

You know how you sign up for dumb websites that say they've got crazy deals and then you get 10 e-mails a day full of nothing you'd be even the slightest bit interested in? Well, I do this alllllll the time. I'm signed up LivingSocial though and it's the only site so far that I actually use their deals.

For anyone who does not have a LivingSocial account, I just got an e-mail today for a $9 voucher for two Fandango tickets. Now, here in Philly, $9 doesn't even cover one... or maybe just, but either way, this is a buy one get one free deal. It's good till June, and it's good at any location that accepts Fandango tickets. So if you don't have a LivingSocial account, here is the link from my purchase:

https://livingsocial.com/deals/28498?ref=conf-jp&rpi=6719683

Now, I'm not going to pretend I won't profit here a little, but just in that if three people buy a voucher using this link, mine will be free. That's all... But then you can get your own LivingSocial account and next time there's a deal like this that you need three people for in order for yours to be free, you can count on me *politician voice, wink, smile, and thumbs up*

Ultimate Wedding Contest

I would like to take a tiny tiny moment to talk about registries, especially because I was very against them in the beginning (I actually still am, but, I'm getting to that). I believe that having a registry is like saying "Only come to my wedding if you're going to buy me something, and even if you don't come to my wedding, you should still buy me something, because I was nice enough to invite you." You always have to end your bridal shower invites with "The bride/couple is registered here, here, and here" or include it in your website reminding everyone that 'hello, you need to buy them something!'

Maybe the problem is that I see it as being spoiled, but I do recognize also that it's customary and a really kind gesture from friends and family to want to shower you with gifts to express their love. I, however, get really stressed when it comes to registry stuff because I'm like "how the hell does this work??" I hate it when people just say "Oh she's registered at Bath and Body Works."

Wha--??? What's that got to do with me?! What do I do now?? It's stressful to me and I also don't like having to pick from a list of things what to get someone.

HOWEVER! I firmly recognize that if there weren't registries, all your loving family members that don't want to give you impersonal cash will end up getting you a whole bunch of toasters, blenders, and table cloths if they don't have a list of stuff to choose from. So I went ahead and made a stereotypical registry at Crate and Barrel just because there's also a $100,000 contest that goes along with it:

Hey! Lookie who's the third entry on the list! If anyone is interested (and I can promise that if I win, I'll get everyone some ridiculously overpriced Crate and Barrel items) head on over to Crate and Barrel's contest page and vote for us!

$200 dining room chairs! That's all I have to say about that! We're also considering other registry options because what we really need to start our life together is big money for house payments, new furniture, and future babies! What's the point of getting a mess of blenders and toasters if you're stuck in the same small crappy townhouse that's overflowing with stuff as it is?!

Enter Deposit-a-gift!

It's a registry you set up by just entering in what you want: A house, new furniture, a honeymoon, a new car, and entering the value. Your family and friends then deposit money into your deposit-a-gift account and they can pick what they want the money to go towards. But the great thing is, in the end, it's still cash, cold hard cash, but your family and friends can feel like they're contributing to something that you really want; something that actually has meaning; something that you actually have real use for. And to make it even better, every time we walk into our new home, we'll remember all the loved ones who helped us get there as opposed to how we'll feel about the third toaster we received collecting dust in the basement or worse; given away/sold. (Bonus! You can use it for baby showers, bridal showers, graduations, ANYTHING!)

In the end, I'm still opposed to registries, but I do accept that it's an honor and not being spoiled or rude to accept gifts from family and loved ones... but please, no toasters or blenders!

And then it was gone

I put my wonderful but just not right wedding gown up on Weddingbee.com's classifieds site 5 days ago. I recognize that these things take time BUT I was getting nervous. See, I put the dress on weddingbee because it's a harmless, training wheels classifieds place. Not too serious, just wanted to put it out there, see if there were any nibbles. More serious sites like preownedweddingdresses.com is a for serious wedding gown classifieds site. I mean, all they do is sell wedding dresses... it's completely dedicated to unloading your wedding gown. There's also a $25 fee to put your wedding dress up there, that's serious!

Well, as I said, I was getting nervous that no one seemed to be interested, so I went ahead and put the dress up on OnceWed.com's classifieds site. It's also a blog that happens to have a classifieds tab. Still not too serious, but a little more... business, they actually ask for the dress info, size, measurements, etc... Yeah, I put the dress up there yesterday. I got an e-mail this morning from a woman in California... she was willing to pay my asking price as long as she gets free shipping. I said OK, and gave her my PayPal info. SHE SENT ME THE MONEY THIS AFTERNOON! I figure it'll take her a few days to figure out the money or figure out her feelings. Nope, that girl got me paid!

I lost $87 from PayPal fees, but I consider it the dumba$$ tax for buying a dress and not being ready to buy it. I know that it kind of seems like $87 could have been used for a DIY project or something, but then I say 'Oh yeah! The dress I'm getting instead saves me $1800!' That's the difference between a great cake and Betty Crocker box cake, the difference between a great bouquet and some weeds I pick from my parents' yard, the difference between a $200/night honeymoon and a $400/night honeymoon resort (especially because it's Kyle's money!)!!!

All of a sudden, I have to ship a dress! That's awesome! And this weight is now off my shoulders. I'm short $87 BUT I'm back to square one, no longer in debt with a dress that wasn't right for me. *Sigh* It just feels  like a relief. I've never been so happy to be right back where I started!