Regrets, I've had a few, but then again...

Too few to mention, right? Amiright?! This post has been a loong loooong time coming. It's almost not worth spending time on. And yet, it struck me today that Kyle and I are slowly approaching our one year anniversary and this is not a post I would reserve for a one year anniversary post, so I decided to make it an almost one year anniversary post.

Moreover, I've had a lot of time to think, to talk to other brides, to discuss stuff with my photographer, who we still keep in touch with (Remember?! He just had a baby!!!). I cleared out my Google reader today and unsubscribed to a few of the wedding blogs that I was STILL READING and not surprisingly, I'm getting a little tired of wasting time on wedding blogs.

What? Oh you're not surprised either? Oh, you're surprised it took me this long?

Well the answer, my friends, to why it's taken me this long to let go is... Regret.

Finally not looking at wedding dresses any longer has made me realize I'm letting go of it, and talking candidly with my photographer has made me realize I'm letting go of it, and all that made me realize I could finally post about it.

Instead of being even more long-winded, here are my reflections in pictures (all courtesy of Ben Weldon):

Ohhhh if only I could go back and not let that crazy-slow chick touch my face!!! Although I've let it go... mostly, one of my biggest regrets is not doing my own makeup. Not only would I have appreciated the shots better; my funny makeup faces, my huge brushes, but she took about 45 minutes to do my makeup! It ate up half of my getting-ready time!! As a result, eeeeeeeeverything after that was rushed and I wasn't able to get a lot of the other shots that I wanted to get.

 

The left picture is me RUSHING through opening Kyle's gift to me, which was a really really nice strand of pearls that I would have liked to have had more than one picture of... with Mia doing God knows what in the background... And on the right is one of only three pictures "bridal shoot" style that Ben squeezed in before we had to go to the ceremony. Side note: all the while, I thought to myself... ummm, good thing we weren't planning on a first look, I barely had time to get ready myself!

This left us time for one shot of wine that I didn't even taste. And that face that suggests I'm not enjoying this? That's because I know that I didn't get any shots with my girls, I didn't get any shots on the balcony, I didn't get but a couple sexy shots of myself... all because of that stupid makeup chick taking 45 minutes on my makeup!! Oh, and remember how Kyle got to have plenty of sexy glamour shots by himself because he didn't waste 45 minutes on his makeup?!

I'm not bitter anymore though because he's so damn handsome and everyone always wants to see the bride and here he got his own couple moments. Go grooms!!

I had planned on another walk-through of the reception space because I had left other people to set it up and... you know me. It wasn't till after the ceremony I realized how stark our cake table looked and how the banner wasn't placed right. Silly little thing to be angry about right?! Of course!! THE POINT IS if I had done my own makeup it would have taken me 15 minutes max with another half hour to check on the setup of the reception space and say "Oh hey, could you put some moss around the cake stand?" and "Oh hey, the banner is supposed to be stacked so you can actually read 'Love Is Sweet' not wrapped around the table so it looks like one bizarre word."

Again, you and everyone else might say I'm being a bit too bitter, but like I said, it would have taken five minutes for me to look at this and fix it, but I didn't have five minutes to spare anywhere.

Moving on!!

Can you guess what I hate about this picture?? I'll tell you, it's those stupid pavilion plastic flaps!! I was so mad that I couldn't get those to come up. The venue had a very strict rule that the flaps go down if it's below 65 degrees out and do ya' wanna' know what the high that day was?? Sixty-frickin'-three!! Two degrees separated me from a gorgeous, rustling breeze and natural sunlight. Let me just say I was more than comfortable in my strapless gown and I know for a fact that Kyle was sweating profusely AND had plastic-warped sunlight hitting him in the face. I KNOW there is nothing I can do about it and I need to let it go, but if there is one other thing I'm still having trouble getting over it's Riverdale Manor and their intransigent staff. EVERYONE WAS HOT!! IT WAS GORGEOUS OUTSIDE!!! But hey, they got an extra $250 out of me for having to run the heater because it's an automatic charge if it's below 65 degrees. Gotta' love those Riverdale coordinators!

Oh yeah... no one even knew these were here. I had meant to tell my parents, his parents, our grandparents, my girls and guys to blow bubbles when the ceremony was over so everyone else would follow suit, but I forgot, so no one blew bubbles, and so we had no send off, we had no bubbles... just a small regret, more funny than angering; the bubbles were just completely forgotten! Sorry bubbles!

Another small, really small regret: Ben suggested we do formals after portraits; we had better chance of catching the light for the money shots- me and the man- and then we would do family formal shots right after. Well no thank you, I said, I will not be the one in charge of trying to find everyone at the cocktail hour after Kyle and I get done with our portraits. Everyone was there, so I thought, no, we should just get this done and over with. Lo and Behold, I find out only after the pictures come in, that all the magical sunset light was used up on the family formals. Ben said there was no way to know because of the tree line, but there it is, that beautiful burst of light. Not that it was gone to waste! But it would have been better placed here:

 Or here:

 Or somewhere here or here:

 

These shots still make me swoon, and I can't praise Ben's handy work enough, they just would have been that much more amazing with amazing sunlight. Anyway, not at all angry, just moving right along.

I have almost completely let go of my dress drama! Whoo hoo!! I still never had THAT MOMENT every bride thinks she needs to have found the one, but this dress was awesome. There, I said it. So why am I even bringing it up??

I had to buy three dresses to find 'the one' ya'll! And I still can't get rid of the third (Priscilla of Boston), so I'm still super mega pissed I wasted my money on it! Second, I still wish I had been bold enough to throw some ombre in there somewhere; I said I was going to get a blush underskirt (off-white dress, blush underskirt, plum shoes... ombre!) or a nice deep burgundy sash to go across the middle, and I never did, and to this day, the whole ensemble is just a little too white for my liking. Once again, not a huge deal, just being real.

Finally, third, it. still. didn't. fit!! I was too worried about being thought a bitch to press the seamstress to pull it in more. I had a good inch around my waist that it could have been taken in, and I selfishly thought that I could have looked a little slimmer if it had fit me properly. I was kind of opposed to corset tops and was happy initially that this one was a zipper gown, but when it came to fit, if I could go back, a corset top would have made sure it fit no matter how poorly the seamstress listened to me. Yet another small thing that I should never have been bitter about at all, but hello, you're lying if you tell me you don't want to look sexy on your wedding day when you picked a relatively fitted gown!

Anyway, I never meant to be this long-winded about any of these things and here I am, super-justifying everything! You can tell who I'm really trying to convince ;) Just a few more things, promise!!

 

These shots are the only ones that captured some of the stuff (junk?) that I collected to get the whole primitive (that's Amish speak) feel in our venue. Anyone who's been following knows how much I love stacked crates, and I collected quite a few to decorate the reception area, and I have no photos of them. The other pictures is the only shot that captures any of the pitchers I collected and that my Mama lovingly stuffed with wheat stalks. Did you know that those bowls had river rocks and flowers and candles floating in them? Neither will anyone else, because there's no picture of them besides this one. Remember how I also made chair ribbons for the bride and groom's chairs that match the altar? No? That's because there's no picture of them. Now, as I've said, I've talked candidly with my photographer about these things. He made fun of me at the time for having such a long list of photos I wanted taken and that made me feel embarrassed that I was being a bridezilla. When he finally had a bride who had a longer list than me, I was finally able to admit to him that if I had not felt so self-conscious, he would have gotten a much longer list :)

And hey, if it hadn't taken 45 minutes to do my makeup, then I would have had him follow me around the reception area before the ceremony and said "Oh, and take pictures of this, and this, and that over there!" Stupid slow makeup chick!

There's no hard feelings between Ben and me though, especially given the other simply amazing detail shots that he captured:

 

 

 
Sigh. He gave me more than I could have asked for, and in the end, life is way too short to dwell on little missed opportunities. I still have all the crates and wine bottles and I'm in the process of decorating my house with them! Because it's like living in my wedding fantasy world everyday!! This weekend I should have time to do some arranging, look out for pictures then!

Last beef (and another fabulous detail shot from Ben):

I thought I had been very clear with my florist that I wanted a bouquet with less structure, more whimsy. And I knew she was capable of such; we talked about how we both were not a fan of the "lollipop" bouquet. Here's some shots from her own portfolio:

 

 

So, you see? I knew she was capable of astonishing things and this is why I picked her! I showed her her own photos and said (while trying not to drool) 'yeah yeah, like this!!'

Did she still make beautiful bouquets?? Absolutely! Were they as cool and out there as I had hoped for? No, sorry, they were one step away from lollipop. Am I being nit-picky? Quite possibly!! But hey, that's what this whole post is about, it's been almost a year and I'm letting go of all these little hurt feelings and it feels good, but I still acknowledge that not everything was perfect. Not everything is going to be perfect.

To close, let me emphasize the most important point. The MARRIAGE is perfect, and that's all that really counts, the WEDDING was just a day, and it was still pretty freaking awesome. And let's not forget the end result currently kicking me in the bladder right now and giving me mild indigestion, that's totally awesome (not the indigestion).

So for the sake of the blog, these are my thoughts on what was not perfect, but for the sake of my life and your life and every other happily married woman, this is NOT to be confused with 'oh, well there must be something deeper that's wrong' because that's malarkey! Pure MALARKEY!! Don't not let yourself be a little upset about things that didn't go quite as planned. I am fully aware that relationships take work and raising kids takes work and life takes work, but I plan a party for that party to be perfect, thankyouverymuch! For everyone who's ever heard me talk about the things I regret, and judged me or rolled their eyes, this is my soap box, I no longer feel bad about being a little bitter. Take that.

Don't tell anyone I was here!

I'm supposed to be writing my thesis! I have TWO WEEKS to get it done! I am literally just here to say hello, and share a photo:

See, I have this wonderful man who, when I said I love the flowers around our house, went out and cut some for me! We have lots and lots of hydrangea already established around our house and they bloom in all sorts of pretty colors! I was also delighted to find that we have a few garden rose bushes around the house (those cute little light pink flowers in the middle there). We have lavender and daisies and even Gerbara daisies (none that were in cutting shape though).

Isn't he sweet?! He'd be proportionally sour though if he knew I was blogging instead of writing :) I must get back to work! Can't promise I'll be around for the next two weeks, but I'll have some big news when I get back ;)

Inspiration vs. Reality, part IV

OK, so where are you? (movie reference anyone??) Some motel room. (there, I gave you some more) Maybe I'll get another freaky tattoo to remind myself... anyone??

But seriously, my head is in a billion places right now, and looking over wedding pictures is how I calm the storm. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it! My paper for work is almost done. Once the paper is done, I get to start writing my thesis and defend. I've got five months, I should be done in four :) I don't have a huge amount of confidence in my writing skills so I'm always scared when I write something that it's going to be total rubbish. So while publishing this paper and officially getting the OK to start the final countdown is an awesome prospect, the fear of failure is stressful.

I got my first 'job offer' yesterday. I call it job offer but put it in quotes because it doesn't work the same way in science, you e-mail a prospective professor, and if they say 'Yeah, let's meet and talk' you're in the position of leverage. That doesn't mean you have the job BUT you'd have to really mess up at this point. If I can keep it together, Kyle and I will both be in great positions, both of us having good jobs, both working only ten miles from our new home! It's pretty intense... and stressful.

The home inspection is today. It's when we find out if there's some massive structural problem that we don't know about. This is highly unlikely because the house isn't that old, has little to no damage, and looked and felt great. BUT you never know of course. And there is a slightly higher possibility of there being something not massive but still expensive wrong with the house, and if the current homeowners don't agree to fix it, and we can't afford to fix it, then we're at an impasse, and the whole deal might fall through. Again, highly unlikely, all this, but still... stressful.

So there's a little look at why I'd rather be looking at wedding pictures. Ha, actually even that's kind of stressful because the man and I swore we are going to do thank you notes this weekend. Not really the most exciting of Saturday activities. ANYWAY, I'm almost done with inspiration boards. I'm slowly starting to shift my Pinterest use from wedding photos to kitchen and bathroom photos, but NOT TOTALLY! Still subscribed to a few of my favorite wedding blogs. So, without further ado, styling inspiration:

Succulents, fiddle heads, feathers, big hair flowers, big hair... yup, that sums it up! So there's no need to beat around the bush, here's out inspiration-turned-reality board; stylin'!

In love = me! I knitted my own shawl, made those hair flowers and the hangers, my Mama made my garter, the florist did a FANTASTIC job on the flowers, and Ben captured it all! Oh, and I am so glad I wore flats, so so glad; every muscle in my body ached the day after the wedding from all the dancing, but not my feet! The only thing I wish was that we had more time for portraits of me and the girls before the ceremony, but that was no one's fault but time; that fickle mistress... bitch...

Anyway, what do you think?! Thanks for the comments so far, I really enjoy these inspiration boards, and I hope you all do too!

Inspiration vs. Reality, part III

In continuation of my excuse to relive my wedding over and over again, I bring you another inspiration board and accompanying inspiration-turned-reality board. I'm super excited about this one because it's decor details, table settings, DIY stuff. I had a lot of fun with most of the projects and Ben did a fantastic job capturing them. Basically I'm as excited about this board as I was for the details post!

As I went through, I was sad for a few seconds here and there, there's no picture of our chair ribbons, no pictures of all those crates and extra wine bottles we collected (the ones not at the alter or on guest tables) BUT, and it's a big BUT, I was happy again when I continued perusing our pictures and seeing the overcompensation in other areas. You'll see, hopefully, too. I've certainly let go of any hang-ups I have about what might not have been captured. I am such a control freak, it's unhealthy.

Inspiration boards are healthier:

Ohhhh how exciting! I look back at these pictures and I see inspiration that I had started to gather almost two years ago!

Moment of truth, if the above is sort of how I saw the wedding looking and feeling, then did I get it right???

Nailed it!! Now obviously, the inspiration photos are from multiple sources, so this statement is going to seem really obvious, but the reality board is much more cohesive and carries a theme. I could look at the centerpiece photos for days.

I think it's safe to say I'm having way too much fun with the inspiration boards. Only a few left, then I'm going to have to find something new to blog about :( Well, we'll tackle that obstacle when we get there.

So let me know what you think!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: DETAILS!!!

I'm excited two fold for this post; details are awesome, but also, since there are details involved in the whole wedding, looking at the details alone is kind of like reliving the whole thing again... but without people.

Anyway, as promised (I know it's a day late, I wasn't feeling well yesterday, shut up!), all the nitty gritty:

Very hard to say what my favorite dress or hanger picture is as Ben gave me even more than I'm showing here, but I just couldn't choose, so there's lots to ogle at :)

 

 

 Next we move outside to the ceremony site... Still so in love with that alter!

 Aisle markers courtesy of Sister Jordan:

Some of my favorite things...

 

 

G signing the bench my Daddy-o made!

I adore these two pics; the odd angle of the menu sign and the broke down Cards sign! Awesome job, Ben!

Have you seen our favors?! All the work and excitement over these babies and I'm super psyched how well they turned out. Just like I'd hoped, well worth all the time and effort.

 

Gotta' thank Mother Nature somewhat for the awesomeness of the invitation pictures, but Ben also did OK ;)

I was a tad disappointed that I forgot to bring a complete invitation suite because it looks kinda' wimpy without the RSVP envelope and the RSVP... but in general, who needs to see the invitation. Kyle's mom kept one intact.

Here's the swoon-worthy part. I LOOOOVE these ring shots. Impossible to choose my favorites, so here's all of them :D

Swooning yet??

*Sigh* Moving along... Girls and guys getting ready:

FLOWERS!!! Another case of not being able to choose favorites:

Ceremony details!

Lots and lots of reception details! It's amazing to see, I think everything turned out just how I hoped. The only thing Ben missed was the crates and wine bottles I had stacked all artfully over by the desserts and coffee tables and the chair ribbons, but that's literally it, and the only reason I'm the least bit sad about it is because I never made it over to the desserts or coffee tables to see them myself :( But we still love Ben :)

So so happy with all the colors and details that we incorporated. Loved that Amish stuff :)

Love the close ups of Nick working and his equipment!

 

Menu Love!!!

A couple other details. I loved the windows and the beams and the floorboards. I am still in love with our venue!

Finally, our awesome cake that I will always forever love dearly, in all its glory!

 

 

I hope you've enjoyed recaps as much as I have! I truly believe that between my friends and family and Ben and the florist and baker and DOC and of course Kyle and myself, we've built some memories to last a lifetime. And there's so much pressure on Ben because memory can only serve so much, the rest has to be documented, and he did a phenomenal job. I love looking back at these pictures. Thanks to him, I can always love looking back at these pictures, and anything that slips my mind is documented for me to remember and relive over and over again!

I want to end with my absolute favorite picture of the day... You might think I'm silly, but I love this picture, and I've been purposefully saving it for last. Because this is what it's all about:

That's my sweetie, lovin' on me XD

Miss a recap so far? Catch up!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: The boys get ready!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: The girls get pretty!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We're ready for our close-up!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We ceremoniously process!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: My turn!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We get MARRIED!!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We get formal!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Our model moment!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Please welcome to the floor!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Slow Jamz!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Mommy Daddy issues...

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Getting toasty!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Save room for dessert!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: Catch!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: And then we partied! And that felt good!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: LET'S DANCE!!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: This is your dance space, this is my dance space

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We did it our way!

Eleven Twenty Five Eleven: We sober up.