Welcome Family and Friends! Thanks for dropping by Kyle and Ashley's wedding website and Ashley's blog. Follow as we prepare to tie the knot and use the tabs below for information about the wedding! We can't wait to see you November 25th!
What a jerk I am, I know it's been way way too long. In normal circumstances, I might consider ditching a person who hadn't updated her blog for this long! But as I'm sure we all know, sometimes life happens. This is what's been happening:
Writing a thesis...
Writing a thesis...
Writing a thesis...
DONE!!
Preparing for my defense...
Preparing for my defense...
.............
DEFENDED!!! GOT A PhD!!!!!
Can't believe it's over, still hasn't sunk in, but I am done reporting to committees and dreading every meeting and feeling inadequate... well, I am sure I will continue to feel inadequate in life, but not in this sense anymore. I'm supposedly the equal to my doctor peers now, so they have to respect my authority!
Here's how a defense goes: You give a presentation that sums up, in about a half an hour to 45 minutes, five years of intense, spirit-breaking work at a bench or a computer or wherever, and then everyone claps and no one asks you any questions because you had to leave so much out that they never really followed you anyway (and according to Kyle, I spoke too fast). Then everyone leaves and your committee grills you about anything they felt you left out. It's funny, you think, they don't ask you any questions about your presentation or your thesis, which you're prepared for, they ask you all the questions you didn't think about first.
They asked me a few questions about what I thought was going on; like a model of cell behavior, that I really really had no answer to, and I gave it my best shot but I really didn't think it was going to fly. But I guess they were satisfied enough with the effort. At least I didn't cry :) (that's a joke. I would not have let these people see me get frazzled).
And then it was over and they switched from this:
To this:
It was gross. Just kidding, but it is weird, it's a very bipolar experience.
Anyway, so that's the PhD process. They call you doctor and you go on your way, it's over, go find something else to do! Hopefully the funding for my new job will be all set and then I can sit back and just relax till the new job starts. I'll hopefully be working at Fox Chase Cancer Center starting late August or early September.
Buuuuuut, that's not my only news... of course, Kyle and I are also expecting a little bundle of joy!! (or poop, depending on how you look at parenthood) It'll look a little something like this:
Crazy yes?! I'm five months pregnant!! I had no morning sickness, no problems so far, and I've officially felt it moving around. I want sweet things all the time. I can't function without my morning waffles anymore or my afternoon jello. And I'm starting to show enough that I had to get new pants and a few new shirts... but mostly I just feel fat! I can't reach my toes anymore!! Although I might just be out of shape flexibility-wise. If I have one piece of advice, it's stay at least a little active, it's made my weight gain not so so bad and kept me feeling good. I was really really tired at first, and then I started walking, nothing major, just a half hour in the mornings, and I stopped feeling like I had to take a nap every morning and afternoon.
So the blog focus might shift a little again, don't worry, it's not going to be crazy baby. In fact, a good friend is getting married (yay!) and has asked me to be bridesmaid, so I will still be talking about weddings. I am also going to start album planning as well, because my mom wants an album, and I'm still interested in DIYing an album, you know, self-binding. I think it'll be fun! I also want to play with the pictures with this instagram-like website called pixlr, it makes your pictures go from this:
To this:
That's a little extreme of an example (I already loooooove that photo as it is), but you know what I mean, you can modify the colors of your photos AND add effects. It's pretty awesome. More on that as I make more.
That being said, there will be some baby stuff. For now, just me, five months preggers!
Just starting to pooch out a little :) I've started a poll with my family and friends, I'll post more about that later. Right now it's been a half an hour and of course, I have to pee again :P
I'm supposed to be writing my thesis! I have TWO WEEKS to get it done! I am literally just here to say hello, and share a photo:
See, I have this wonderful man who, when I said I love the flowers around our house, went out and cut some for me! We have lots and lots of hydrangea already established around our house and they bloom in all sorts of pretty colors! I was also delighted to find that we have a few garden rose bushes around the house (those cute little light pink flowers in the middle there). We have lavender and daisies and even Gerbara daisies (none that were in cutting shape though).
Isn't he sweet?! He'd be proportionally sour though if he knew I was blogging instead of writing :) I must get back to work! Can't promise I'll be around for the next two weeks, but I'll have some big news when I get back ;)
First: It's hard when you're no longer planning a wedding to write about cool stuff because I'm not doing cool stuff anymore. Meaning I'm not doing anymore awesome projects or freaking out about any more deadlines.
Second: Our lab is moving, I'm not moving with it, so I had to pack up my stuff and prepare for my lying in at home with my computer and my gestating thesis. It's not quite quickened yet, but my committee is ready, and my defense is set for August 6th, so I have to get my midwifing on (are you guys liking my Elizabethan birthing references? They make me giggle.)
Third: The house has little things here and there that still aren't 100% where we want them to be. Have a look see:
Now, as a disclaimer, most if not all of these boxes are either half empty already or they're just waiting to be transported to their final resting place (the four boxes/crates in the back by the door are Christmas decorations and costume stuff). Yeah, also there's a hamper there, and video games that just need to go upstairs, a TV that just doesn't have a stand yet, etc... But it does get frustrating sometimes, Kyle feels there should be no more boxes! I'm learning to ignore him ;) Either way, even today I was still arranging our bookshelves some more, so I just take it a day at a time.
We are starting to get into a pretty good routine. Our computers are finally set up the way we want them, which is the last reason I hadn't done a post in awhile, I had a computer sitting in a box, it's now on a desk, check it!
This computer stuff is right up against all the clutter, so it's a thin line between progress and insanity right now. Order and Chaos.
Also, It's more fun to sit on the couch watching old reruns of The New Adventures of Old Christine when your puppy is playing footsy with you:
It tickled!
Anyway, who cares right? I'm here now! Yay!
Last time I posted, I wanted so badly to make summer strawberry pudding; a recipe I got from Alton:
So I did, I macerated my strawberries, which I talked about last time, and which were awesome as strawberry shortcakes once I actually made the whipped cream (they weren't bad with greek yogurt, just a bit too sour, stick with the really-bad-for-you-but-awesome whipped heavy cream). Anyway, I set out to make this pudding:
You need four standard tin cans, tops and bottoms removed, a loaf of potato bread, and a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Oh, butter the bottom piece of potato bread.
You waste A LOT of potato bread. Anyway, I put the buttered bread rounds on the bottom, butter side up, then put some strawberries plus juice on top, then layered another round of bread, more strawberries, etc...
Looks so pretty, right?? And so so easy!
After the last piece of bread, put the lids back on top of the pudding, and weight with four smaller cans, soda cans are what Alton suggests, but I discovered that tomato soup cans are actually perfectly sized!
Let this set in your fridge for at least 8 hours, the pectin from the strawberries makes the whole thing gel together!
Look how pretty!!! I forgot to take a picture of one with whipped cream on it, but, yeah, put whipped cream on it. OK, so that was the fun part right? Ready for the not so awesome part? It was super sour! I was so disappointed. Maybe I picked a bad wine, maybe I let it set too long (I did it overnight), maybe there was too much air to it and the wine fermented, maybe strawberries and tin equals ick... I have no idea, please don't let my negative experience sway you from trying, but I had half a mind to write to Alton and ask what gives, because I was super super excited to eat this and I couldn't even get through more than a couple bites :( And Kyle was going to suffer through it for me too, and he wouldn't say it was bad until I said it was bad (and then he apologized a bunch of times... he's such a sport and a sweetie!).
Anyway, I don't want to dwell on it, it was a big disappointment, that's the last I'll say. So let's move on to cooler stuff. Last I'll report on today is that we finally got the house looking presentable enough for me to show you some pictures! There are still a few things laying around, please don't judge, but for the most part, come on in!
As you walk in the front door, this is our living room, complete with new coffee table and sofa and loveseat. The shelf is our DVD shelf, I just filled that up a few days ago because we just rearranged our furniture to fit it in a few days ago. Here's a better look at the furniture from the other side of the room:
There are doors to kitchen and dining room as well as stairs to the upper level, but since this picture is taken standing in the opening of the dining room, we'll go there next, just turn around:
Besides the boxes on the left that need to be recycled and the boxes on the right that need to be put away, I'm super happy with our little dining room. We have those great french doors and I've got all my cookbooks and entertaining stuff on the rack on the left and pots and pans on the rack on the right. I like the set up a lot. We're totally almost there to being totally domesticated!
Our kitchen/dining room is all nice and open, which makes the kitchen feel bigger, which is necessary because it's not a huge kitchen. But it's awesome and I'm so happy with it, from my dishwasher that makes life 50 million times easier to the hood which is an actual working hood to my oven that cooks stuff fast without heating the whole house, to the window over the sink, which I just don't think anyone should ever have to live without.
Anyway, I'll gush more later, that doorway leads down to the lower level of the house wherein lies my pride and joy; the library:
Our old couch sits in this cozy, low-ceilinged room on the lower level with our books. ALL our books:
This is such a cozy cozy place. Soft light (it only looks blaring because my cell phone camera is no professional camera), you're away from the rest of the house and confined by the low ceilings. I love it, I read and nap here all the time. There's even a door separating this room from the rest of the downstairs where the other bonus rooms are (including the computer room). Lastly, if you go back upstairs and then up the stairs from the entrance, you'll get to the top floor, where the bedrooms are. There are four bedrooms but the only one worth a damn is the one with our new bedroom furniture in it:
I'm in a weird corner here, but there's our dresser and chest of drawers, brand new from Bassett. That door leads to our master bath. If you go to another weird corner, the closed door is the door entering the bedroom, and the open door is the door to our walk-in closet. And of course this is our new platform bed and night stands:
So that's where the magic happens. Haha! Just kidding, I mean, gross. OK, well that's my cue. I could ramble on and on, but my back hurts from the odd angle of my desk and chair, and I've got other important stuff to do today! I hope the mass of pictures today makes up for my long absences a little. As I mentioned before, I've got to get lots and lots of work done on my thesis, so I will continue to be sporadic, but thanks to everyone who keeps sticking around!
As promised, I remembered my bloggista manners and actually took pictures as I dealt with some strawberries yesterday! Huzzah!!
So, as I mentioned in my last post, Kyle and I went strawberry picking last weekend, which I was really thankful for because I knew he'd be stressed and not really in the mood to do anything fun because he's been doing so much not-fun stuff lately; getting his Jeep fixed, paying lots of bills, getting the house moved into, taking care of the yard, etc... But with very very little pushing, I convinced him that he should relax and do something fun... that was until strawberry picking day dawned a balmy 90 degrees. We went anyway, armed with water battles and with promises of ice cream right after.
We picked 16 pounds of strawberries, ya'll!!!! Strawberries are heavy, it didn't seem like 16 pounds, but that's how much two baskets weigh. By the way, I don't even know where my camera is to have taken pictures at the orchard, sorry. Here's some other people at the farm we went to having fun:
There's lots of stuff to do there, and they're huge on kid stuff, there's stuff for kids all the time!
And of course, there's lots of strawberry fields. They also have pick your own apples, blueberries, blackberries, cantaloupe, peaches, pumpkins, raspberries, tomatoes and watermelon. They also make their own wine and have all sorts of herbs and cheeses and a market with a deli and an ice cream shop. It's pretty awesome there, but not so great on a 90 degree day with no wind. Nonetheless, like I said, it was still a successful day because we walked out of there in a little over an hour with 16 pounds of strawberries.
So anyway, I've frozen about 2/3 of the strawberries, because it's just too many to eat fresh. Kind of sad, but I'll probably make stuff out of the frozen ones anyway. I didn't have dry ice like Alton Brown suggests, but I do have a FoodSaver, so hopefully they will thaw relatively well. Speaking of Alton, it's his inspiration I used to make a tasty concoction with the remaining 1/3 of the strawberries:
I macerated the strawberries so they could be used in any number of applications. Macerated strawberries is easy, watch the video. I made it a lot harder on myself by losing my wine opener kit. So I used the ole' push the cork all the way through method... it didn't go well:
Wayta' go!! I also got it all over myself and the counter and the floor, but the ceiling was the best. It put me in mind immediately of Eddie Murphy and Daddy Day Care, when he takes the kid to the bathroom and the kid says "I missed!" which is exactly what I'm going to tell Kyle to break the tension.
AnyWAY! Wine is breathing, break out the software:
Strawberries of course! And as Alton recommends, I did NOT go out and buy a strawberry huller, I used my trusty dusty star tip from my piping kit:
It is an excellent alternative and does not damage the rest of the berry, but if you have squishy berries, you might squish them while trying to insert the tip and twist it. I had mostly firm ones, so... not to brag or anything...
Moving on, the recipe for the macerated strawberries is just the strawberries (pretty much however many can fit in the container you're using, red wine (acid to stop the strawberry flesh from consuming itself), honey (you know what that's for), and lemon zest.
Alton didn't tell me this, but I think that a sweeter red works best, because you don't want it too dry or tannic, then you'll only taste dry red wine, and your berries will be oaky instead of crisp, but what do I know?
Moving on again, I do NOT, however, own an egg slicer. I don't think they exist anymore... Who uses an egg slicer still?! Don't anyone answer that. I sliced every single one of those strawberries (there was also another tray that I didn't take a picture of) by hand:
(I got really bored, but I pressed on!) Then you just put the strawberries in a container with the wine and the honey and lemon zest... Alton also says pepper, I have nothing against pepper but I completely forgot it. All in all, I used all the wine and filled two half gallon containers with macerated strawberries. Phew.
It took me about two hours, all said and done, and I made one hell of a mess. But then I did a little dance because I have a garbage disposal now! Yippee!!
So, after all that, I went to bed, but when I got up the next morning, I instantly thought that I must do something with those strawberries, it would be a travesty not to! Of course, what's the best dessert/breakfast involving strawberries?! Why the short cake of the berry straw, of course! I had Bisquick! I made biscuits! I had shortcake!!
Beautiful yes?! So the only mistake I made was that I had heavy cream but I thought that it would be a healthy alternative to use Greek yogurt instead of whipped cream. It was a bad idea, it actually made the whole thing too sour. The berries in wine is already a little sour, don't make it worse for yourself. I had good intentions but I'll be sticking with some sweetened, whipped cream next time. Other than that, anyone that knows me knows that I hate fruit on bread or fruit in my jello or fruit on anything basically. I eat food as it is, and I eat fruit as it is, I don't usually like to mix fruit with anything... ANYTHING!! But this was awesome, I ate it all. None for you.
And Alton goes on to explain my next recipe, which I cannot wait to try:
But I'm visiting family this weekend, so hopefully I will be able to make strawberry summer pudding when I get back home! Also when I get back home, I'll take pictures of the new furniture too, promise, and thank you Lara Ann for reminding me that I didn't give credit where credit was due! Our furniture is from Bassett. Next, I need to find a rug for the living room... thus begins the new saga.
If anyone has any strawberry recipes for me to try, send them along!!
I will start by apologizing for what is no doubt going to be a wordy post. But it's been awhile and I don't have many pictures. I'll try to make it worth your while.
A week ago, started living in our new house! Last Tuesday, we were surprised by a knock on our townhouse door and Kyle's bestest buddy, Dan, had driven to Philadelphia from Baltimore to help us move! It was just about the sweetest thing anyone (who isn't related to us and therefore obligated in some way) had ever done for us. He had taken off the whole week to help us move. So he helped us finish our packing, load the truck on Wednesday, go to settlement and move in on Thursday, and cut the grass on Friday!
I could go on about how awesome that was, but like I said, I'm trying to not be TOO wordy. He was a life saver! He was a better truck organizer than I would have been, and he and Kyle communicated better moving stuff up and down stairs. So remarkably, he also made the whole process more peaceful, because I would not have wanted to make the days even worse by bickering with Kyle.
So since then, we've just been slowly moving in. Kitchen was first, and it felt really really good organizing a nice kitchen, especially with all the new wedding gifts that we didn't allow ourselves to open at the townhouse because we would have just had to pack them right back up.
I already burned my first dinner! It was just frozen pizza; I've cooked with natural gas all my life, and now we have an electric oven and stove... in my defense, it's a really really good oven and it cooked the pizza a lot faster than I expected! So I set the smoke detector off within the first few days of moving in!
Anyway, back to moving, I was really discouraged for awhile:
But we're already powering through and so there's only a few miscellaneous boxes left. Also burdensom has been the amount of trash, broken boxes, and allllll that packing paper for fragile things. But enough about that, on Wednesday, we had FiOS installed (yay!! we've wanted it for years but it wasn't available in the city) and today I'm waiting for lots of furniture to be delivered!
New bed, bed frame, nightstands, dresser, chest of drawers, and sofa, loveseat, coffee table, and end table for the living room. Whew. That's why I haven't taken any pictures of the house yet, it doesn't seem to have any stuff in it!
My mom came to visit over the weekend; no one from my family had seen the house in person yet, so I was really happy she could come, and we just hung out for awhile and got Five Guys. Thanks, Mama!
Kyle and I also spent more time than we'd like to admit watching our new front-loading washing machine going around in circles... it's super exciting. Tonight, Kyle's mom is coming to visit and bring our puppy to her new home. I might be more excited for her than for us, she's been forced to do her business in a very small, overgrown yard for her whole life.
Other than that, the new house is kinda' paradise; we have pretty butterflies and birds in the morning, bunnies in the afternoon, and bats at night (don't knock 'em! I haven't been bit by a mosquito yet!). My commute to work is awful now, but since I'm almost done, I don't have to make the drive too many more times. I've also started playing with some new toys:
Say hello to my little friend! I got a Ninja!! These little things are badass! Go get one. I had berries frozen in the freezer, vanilla greek yogurt, and some chocolate syrup, and the Ninja made short work of it.
MMMMMMmmmmmmmm!! Healthy, and awesome. I'm not a huge fan of the gigantic seeds, but it was so good and so quick and easy to make, I overlooked them as I scarfed this down. Oh, and look forward to strawberry recipes; we're going strawberry picking this weekend!! Yay!!! I love strawberries!! I love strawberry picking!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!
So, the furniture guys should be here soon, and I've gone on long enough anyway. With thesis writing and home making, I'll be sporadic, but I promise I won't abandon you!!
Hello All... a very distressed lady greets you today. I'm so frustrated that it only made sense to get it all out... I plan on doing some good ole' fashioned bashin' today!
Ready? Here it goes!
I was supposed to do this long, tedious experiment today that then fell through, so I had some time on my hands to... do a whole lotta' nuthin'. I decided to look at wedding photos, since it's past time to start thinking about albums.
It's really hard nowadays just to find an image of an old fashioned album... I won't say 'crappy' per se, but I think we all know that the days of glued-in-pictures albums are history. Taking the place of these not-so-sturdy albums is the flush mount album of course:
This should come as no surprise to most. Even the super cheap companies like Shutterfly and AdoramaPix use this fancy shcmancy technology. Those albums you can get for probably a maximum of $100. We use them for vacation photos and gifts for family members... but they don't exactly qualify as wedding album quality. No offense to these companies and others like them, the purpose of Shutterfly and AdoramaPix is ease and affordability. Shutterfly photobooks are the bare bones; thin pages, regular binding, but still great quality, and hardcover to boot! Adoramapix pages are slightly thicker, quality is slightly better, and they have the added bonus of having lay-flat pages with no seam in the middle so you can add panorama shots. Pretty cool, but still, not high quality enough for a wedding album.
So I set off on my search for professional album companies. The first place I looked was my own e-mail archives. Ben had originally told me his album pricing, and I knew there was a reason I had disregarded it in the beginning:
Eww... I don't get it! Those prices are ridiculous right?! But I'm not faulting Ben, I know that those prices are standard... Wha?!?! How?!?! That's just the way it is I guess (except I know for a fact that that Blurb book only costs a little over $100... who you tryin' to fool, Buddy??). I was most upset at the limited number of photos you're allowed. Finally I remembered the only other professional album company I had ever heard of, Muujee:
I didn't know it at the time, but this was to be THEE ONLY professional album site I would find that allows a normal person (as opposed to a professional) to order their own album. Their prices are not much better (if you want the good stuff), BUT the key difference is that they allow you to add more pictures per page. For $500 less than Ben's albums, I can get the same album with 30-40 more images. So the company's concept is slightly different obviously, and because it's direct to you rather than through a photographer, it's a tad cheaper. I was still baffled though when I realized how much it would cost to get an album for us and three parent albums... Ready?? $3,000. Yes, that's more than I make in one month. That's more than three month's rent.
So I still wanted to find something else out there that was reasonable but still high quality. I mean, do people just save up their pennies forever and only buy albums years after their wedding?? Well, I was determined not to get discouraged just yet. I found a resource online that had a whole list of online retailers of flush mount albums!
As you can see, I went to every single site within the US and only one even let me create an account and log in as a normal person and see their prices. Seriously? Fine! I'm not a part of your system!
(My computer? I very nearly threw it on the ground). Anyway, the point is, since I only sneaked into one company somehow, I don't know how their price versus quality really compares... but the prices shocked me. Direct-to-photographer prices are ONE FIFTH what photographers charge brides. Now, I guarantee some photographer out there will tell me I've got it all wrong, that this is some isolated incident, that I don't understand everything that goes into it... nice try. I finally changed my search terms around (I don't remember to what) and found some other sites that don't need special logins and registrations to order... all the prices pretty much maxed out at $600 for 12x12 albums with leather covers and thick lay-flat pages and up to 60 pages (~120-180 images).
Also, the same resource that I mentioned above, Modern Album Designs, that had that whole webpage of unhelpful other websites, they also help individuals, even if it's just by hooking you up with a photographer, you can still possibly get discounts... I dunno' though, I haven't checked. Probably not with my luck. Anyway, I was particularly peeved because one of the websites that's only for professionals had something I'd never seen before but instantly wanted:
HOMEMADE PAPER ALBUMS!!! These are from Core Albums, and they just in general have really cool stuff. They all have a very modern, yet homemade feel but are still super professional on the inside. I contacted them pretty much begging them to let me order through them or at least hook me up with a photographer that I could order through, and I'm waiting to hear back... Very discouraging and disappointing.
Pity me yet?? Well continue pitying, because then, fueled by the idea of rustic design, I changed my search terms yet again and I found this!!
Ohmigod Ohmigod OHMIGOD!!! Are you serious?! Rustic on the outside, modern on the inside flush mount albums from Loktah. If you're thinking 'Oh, how fun! They kinda' look like your invitations!' Well then rub it in, why dontcha'! Because every single one of these is out of my reach. These guys are totally upfront about only working with photographers...
**Side Note: By the way, they humiliated me twice over by making me realize I've been spelling loktah (or lokta) wrong this whole time! In my defense, the website I was buying it from was spelling it wrong, but still... how'd you guys let me do that all this time?! You know what's hilarious too is that once I spelling it correctly, I couldn't believe how many vendors online sell it! I had such a hard time finding it when I needed it for invitations... Well no wonder! I feel so ridiculously dumb now!! **End Side Note!
Point is, this would have been pretty ideal. I have contacted them as well to find out if I can pair up with a photographer in my area, but, no word yet :(
Part of me feels like I'm going behind Ben's back and the other part of me resoundingly reminds me that there is no way I'm paying $2000 for an album with only 60 pictures in it. Sorry. I have no idea how much these last two companies cost but for me, the design element automatically justifies the cost. After seeing the Loktah products, all I wanted to do was learn how to mount a book myself; that was the whole thought process behind making my own invitations, why not DIY this too?!?!
Well, I wish, because if I could, I think I'd've found my calling in life... *stops and looks up... thinking... re-evaluating...* I also just remembered my new cousin-in-law is a graphic designer... I wonder if she needs an assistant...
Well, anyway, while I contemplate a new career move, I desperately searched the last place I knew might possibly help me (do you like the drama I'm setting up here??). Also I was on a handmade kick, where does every self-respecting, smart, bored woman go when she wants something handmade?! ETSY! My lovely Etsy was less helpful than usual in this realm but I finally found one designer or, let's just go ahead and give them the all-inclusive title of middle man, who "sells" custom wedding albums:
They have contracts with these companies (some of them I already mentioned earlier in this post!) and they get through the red tape for you, and the albums are still only around $600. Now, another thought strikes me, that maybe the reason these albums are cheaper is because they are not as good a quality. But, consider this, this website only lists these companies but says they can order from any other company as well (they must have some sort of design studio or something that allows them to be eligible for a professional login) so I'm contacting them as well to see if they can order an album for me through my two favorites; Core and Loktah! I'm not getting my hopes up but this is exactly what I'm hoping for, and at a price that makes so much more sense! (Also, consider that if a Blurb book gets marked up 500%, how much are those $2000 albums really worth??)
I'll keep everyone informed, in the meantime, I just wanted to get off my chest how frustrating it's been to try and figure out this whole album thing without taking out a loan! So now I need advice/help/suggestions: How did you do your wedding albums?? Old fashioned slide-in? Through a "fast and cheap" company? Through your crazy-expensive photographer? Through a middle man?? How did it go?!?!
