Welcome Family and Friends! Thanks for dropping by Kyle and Ashley's wedding website and Ashley's blog. Follow as we prepare to tie the knot and use the tabs below for information about the wedding! We can't wait to see you November 25th!
Finally! Back in the game. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and sympathy for my work-related woes. Again, the meeting had a good outcome, just a nasty way of getting to it. Scientists have no concept of consistency, so issues that they might have had with me a year ago at my last meeting might be gone and of course I worked a whole year to correct those issues, but they'll have a whole new list of issues based on their mood and I won't be in the least prepared for those issues and miffed that they didn't even notice the repairs I made since last year with my old issues!! It's infuriating and depressing! But overall, work as a whole goes on, and I'm still alive and kicking.
Anywho, back to business! When I last graced the pages of this humble blog with wedding pics, we were cutting the cake, the last little bit of antiquated formality that we subjected our guests to was bouquet and garter tossing! First, a little music to set the mood while I prepared to toss my bouquet, to determine the next lucky girl who's getting married:
I had trouble focusing on throwing anything because I was dancing with myself :)
Of course I survey the room. I've been a part of so many bouquet tosses that I was pretty psyched for this part.
See my boss in the left hand corner holding onto his daughters for dear life? Ha, good luck, buddy!
Here goes!!
One of the best pictures of the night ↑
I caught the bouquet at my parents' wedding, and this little cutie is my cousin Taylor, who is about the same age I was when my parents got married. A very sweet result... However, I did want to give a big person a chance to do the whole garter thing so I politely asked Taylor if I could throw the bouquet again, to which she begrudgingly agreed.
Not sure how many weddings have two bouquet tosses, it was odd, but again, I didn't know how else to get an adult female for the whole garter ritual.
So the bouquet was caught by my cousin's date... a little anti-climactic considering I met her only the night before... sorry to the cousins and friends I've known for most of our lives. But anywho, it was time for Kyle to do his thing:
Yeah... he picked this song...
Uh oh...
He was very feisty but very well-behaved. I don't think anyone would have wanted to see his head up my dress. I know there's been a lot of talk lately about taking this tradition out for people who are a little shy, but in my experience, it was plenty modest enough and all eyes are going to be on you all day anyway...
So sweet!!
Sorry, I had to post this one too, I like the angle better.
Then it was time for the men to get out on the floor. Of course they're always more reluctant... silly boys! But Kyle's very persuasive ;)
Great shot ↑ So the garter was caught by Shane, a former employee of Kyle's... awkward... although it's better than it being caught by my brother!
So the two strangers take their places...
Oh Lord...
Yeah, it's safe to say he was pretty roasted at this point in the night. I got numerous messages from him later on saying he hoped that he hadn't looked like a complete jackass... Too late, and I have the proof!
His fancy moves just could not be captured to their full silliness in pictures, but trust me when I say, it was way too fun to watch.
Yeah... I was having a little too much fun too.
Seriously it's like comic relief back there in the right hand corner.
They were both very good sports... I think they had an equally good time.
There is some tradition about the further up the leg the garter catcher goes on the bouquet catcher, the more years of happy marriage the bride and groom are going to have. Something like that, obviously how the heck do you quantify that? I don't remember where I heard it but Shane took it very seriously. But he was also very respectful and Tanya didn't seem to mind in the least.
I've heard so many negative things from people who want to do away with this tradition, but these two were well-matched. I guess we got lucky... according to some scary things I've read online, i.e. 20-yr-old young men and 80-yr-old great aunts.
Heehee, look how silly they are!! (unfortunately, my thighs are quite a bit bigger than Tanya's so it didn't last long, but, just ignore that part)
Anywhozit. This obviously brings up a great little topic for debate. Who is and is not doing bouquet toss/garter toss/garter catcher puts garter on bouquet catcher's leg? I've heard people be really offended by this tradition, but I think they had a really good time and everyone got a kick out of the little Asian man dancing around and the little girl catching the bouquet. I'm glad we did it, but I can see why some shyer people would not be into it. All of our friends are as ridiculous as we are though, so we knew it wouldn't be an issue.
Anyway, so even though it was out of order a little, that's all the tradition stuff from the wedding!! Can you believe it?! I have over 200 pictures from the rest of the reception though so, no worries, recaps are not over! And of course, the post I'm most looking forward to; DETAILS!! is coming soon. Stay tuned!! Thanks for sticking with me!
So the reason I've been absent for so long is because I had a big thesis committee meeting that I prepared my bee-hind off for and that didn't go so well. To an outsider, if I were to give you all the details, it wouldn't seem so bad (I have to finish my latest paper, which is almost finished, and then start writing my thesis, and they say I can graduate in August). In fact, most people that look in at scientists look at us as passive-aggressive, harmless weirdos that stare at our shoes all the time. And you ask "How could one of those losers make anyone feel bad?!" If you spent time with us, really spent some time, you'd come home feeling really bad about yourself... every day. I know there are some scientists out there that who are immune, or at least handle it better, but I'm not one of them. The reason is that I am not passive-aggressive or harmless and I don't stare at my shoes. This offends most scientists, who end up thinking I'm cocky (because anyone who doesn't stare at their shoes is no real scientist) and that I need to be knocked down a few pegs.
The reality is, I have no confidence in myself as far as science goes. I do the best I can and recognize that most of the people I surround myself with are better than I. It's aspirational, I strive to live up to everyone's expectations and try to put on a brave face. Again, this brave face is taken as an unfazed face. My committee's sole purpose is to wipe that look off my face. Usually, the meetings end up with that brave face more stiff and plastered on than usual. This time I wanted to crawl under a rock with my brave face. They were just passively-aggressively nasty yesterday. So much so that my boss felt the need to comfort me afterwards, which almost made it worse.
And he said something that, despite his good intentions, really pissed me off. He said "Well, graduate school is a very humbling experience." Hold on a sec... Did I not just get done saying I do not, nor have I ever marched around campus like I'm better than anyone. I'm not. There might be something in me that's better in some way than someone else (I don't stare at my shoes all day... but that doesn't count in the lab or in the meeting room), but I don't think well on my feet, I get nervous really easily and panicky and feel really stupid every time my whole committee plus my boss are in a room together with me. This leads me to feel that nothing I have ever done while in graduate school has been worth a damn. I don't think you can get any more 'humility' than that.
I've been there for SIX YEARS with, in my opinion, nothing to show for it. If it wasn't for my boss and my endless desire to make him proud, I would be really really angry that I've wasted as much time as I have on it, all for a few extra letters at the end of my name that I can't for the life of me figure out what I want to do with! My boss is usually also the only one that keeps me sane, but I'm taking a mental health day, and so I've had all day to think about how much time has been wasted pursuing a future I don't even really believe in. News flash, it's not mentally healthy for me to be on my own with my thoughts. I used to think maybe I would teach at a university or start my own lab or be the director of something but my time in graduate school has done nothing but make me feel like I'm not good enough for any of those roles.
What bothers me most is that I got into science because it seemed like such a supportive career; in that you're in an educated environment where you can create projects out of your own imagination and try to help people. In science, you don't have real hard deadlines; as in, there's no 'You better get that report done or you're fired' or 'You better hit that sales target or your ass is outta' here!' Instead, you define your research goals, you create projects, you write papers, those papers are peer reviewed, and you prosper. If you have a little trouble, you collaborate, because maybe another scientist has resources you don't have. But the spirit of collaboration is scholarly and, dare I say, friendly. This is what they sell you. This. is. a. lie.
I have never, from anyone but my fellow lab mates and boss, gotten one piece of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Enter the self-confidence bomb. I can take criticism, I can take flat-out insults, what I cannot take, and what I am so sick and tired of, is the snide, passive-aggressive comments that always have the undertone of 'Wow, you're such an idiot for thinking that. Let me bail you out again and drop some of my infinite wisdom on you.' Not once has anyone ever consistently told me what I have to work on, and so it's led me to believe that I just don't have 'it.' No one has just come out and said it, but that's because no one says that in science, they just talk about you behind your back. And I never want to hear my boss tell me that this is not the case, because he's above it, but I know he still doesn't get the respect he deserves from most of the other scientists that have been there longer than he has. To them, he's a young upstart who's just gotten lucky. I wonder constantly if he knows this. If they don't respect him, how could anyone ever respect me?? He's a lot smarter and works a lot harder than I do!!
I've been told that everyone reaches this point and that once you reach this point, you've finally earned a PhD... That is the shittiest thing I've ever heard. What the hell kind of message does that send?? What have I actually done with the last SIX YEARS of my life?! I'm spent, I'm at a loss. Usually I would apologize for a rant like that but I spent all yesterday afternoon apologizing... so, in the wise words of Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
Thank you to Google Chrome for figuring out whatever they thought was malicious on Sparkle and Hay/my blog and fixing it! You no longer get annoying warnings when visiting! Yay!!
I completely forgot at the end of my last post about the toasts to also post about grace and dinner. No biggee, but there are a few more pics of that general time:
We surprised Kyle's Pop Pop by asking him to say grace... Was it supposed to be a surprise?! No, of course not, my lovely new husband was supposed to ask him prior to right now, but he didn't... obviously. Pop Pop took it in stride though and gave us a lovely blessing.
We only had ONE glass clinking to kiss to, not that I'm complaining, but this is the only time we kissed because everyone wanted us to. Every other time it was just for fun.
Now, I had a hard time sitting still so when I got tired of eating (you should definitely eat, I credit eating for allowing me to party all night long and not get sloshed... but my excited self could only eat so much!) I had to go start saying hello.
We specifically did not opt for visiting every table because we didn't want everyone waiting, sitting, bored at their tables while we visited with eeeeeeeeveryone. We promised ourselves we would visit with everyone throughout the night, and I believe we did. Here we're visiting with our best friends table. They got the 'spot of honor' in front of the head table. Not that any table held less honor, obviously the head table- and obviously the two parent/grandparent tables were on either side of us... I'm just going to keep digging myself into a hole here. Of course you were invited because you were close to us, I'm just making a point that the people at that table helped shape us as friends. Whatev, more pictures.
Don't remember what they're talking about but Nick was so sweet throughout the night and would periodically ask us when we wanted to do this or that or if we were in the mood for a particular song.
Great couple shots of our ballroom, still one of my favorite parts looking back at the wedding.
My sweet sweet grandparents, just looking cute.
Ben has a feature on his regular photography blog called Hand-Made, he has a thing for people who work with their hands, and he got even more shots of Nick than I'm posting here. I think he enjoyed getting to shoot that as his own little private side thing. Anywho...
So, because everyone's been so sweet and patient and supportive while I get work done and since blogging has kind of had to sit on the back burner for me, I'm making today a double feature! Can't have dinner without dessert!!
So next we cut that cake! Wanna' see?
This was my first real close look at the cake, so I'm taking it all in.
Cake, burlap, burlap bunting (love is sweet)... just awesome.
In hindsight, I wish I had put some moss around the cake base, but I honestly had no idea there would be so much empty space on this table... the cake looks lonely here :(
Anyway, we gingerly moved our lovely birdie cake toppers, thanks again to my awesome Aunt Keirsten!
Love this picture! ↑
Yes, they gave me a big knife, and I knew how to use it!
So exciting!!
What's taking so long?!?!?! Here... I'll help.
Alright, you behave... No YOU behave!
That's Kyle saying 'Don't encourage her!' because of course everyone was encouraging me, and that's me going 'Dare me?!'
But we already agreed to be good. Also please excuse the next picture, it's hard to get so many fingers plus cake into someone's mouth, so this part was a little awkward and resulted in impossibly wide open mouths!
Of course anyone who knows us knows our mouths will accommodate.
Wait... whatcha doin'??
Oh no he di'in't! I'm so glad Ben did not capture the ensuing craziness. I reached to retaliate; put a little icing on Kyle's nose, and he leaned forward, and, readers, I poked him right in the eye! I felt so bad, but he forgave me, after he got the icing out of his eye...
Looooove the next two pictures...
Yum! Cake cutting was a mess o' fun. We maintained our promise of not cake smashing, but still had a little too much fun with it. What cake traditions did you follow?
