(I swear, there's a whole city beyond that fog... It was worse an hour ago too, but I forgot to take a picture then)
I haven't posted in a few days because some discouraging things have been happening that made me not want to think about wedding for a few days.
DISCLAIMER: these things are going to seem silly once I spell them all out, please just keep in mind that they all happened in one day and were accompanied by an announcement by my boss that rocked our lab.
The bridesmaids cover-ups came in. These are the ones I ordered, remember?
This is what I got:
(Kyle will be wearing a burgundy tie and the groomsmen will be in light blue ties; the two middle ties are two different light blue ties from the same vendor that we were having trouble deciding between, and the cappuccino ties are for my Grampa and Dad)
Kyle ultimately felt that the lighter blue tie was too light so we ordered the slightly darker blue ties thinking they still looked pretty light. Well no, they came in and were way too dark. I mean, not navy, but blue blue, instead of light blue. So in one fell swoop I was faced with having to get new ties and new pashminas. We actually went out Friday afternoon (because Kyle took one look at me and grabbed his car keys) and got lighter blue ties, but the vendor who sold me the pashminas is not admitting either way that she sent me the wrong pashminas (they are clearly the color of the bottom of a hotel pool. C'mon, man!) or denying it but she won't send me replacements until I send her back the ones I have now.
Then I looked at my countdown clock and a string of expletives came unbidden to my lips. And now I can't remember how long it took to get them the first time... so I can't say whether or not there will be enough time to send me out the right ones. ALSO, what if I'm wrong? What if she writes me back and says 'Yeah, that's the light blue.'...... Come one now, I know different monitors can show different things, but that light blue in no way looks aqua... the pashminas I got most definitely are.
We are four days away from being two weeks away!!!! I'm starting to get a little unhappy because important things aren't done, like the marriage license and paying for the rest of the honeymoon, flowers, and cake (no worries, those checks are written and going out today!) and it's making me not able to focus on my crafts at all. I can't say I'm stressed, I'm not; just unhappy right now. I do not want to be this way two weeks before my wedding. Ha, people are not lying when they say it sneaks up on you.
Also, the old crap paint is not coming off the old door I found even with paint stripper. I think this will be OK though because the chalkboard paint should cover that up and if it looks a little bumpy, well that will just add to its character. I'm only mentioning it because it added to my not-so-great Friday. Then my boss told us all that he's moving to Baylor University next year... that's in Texas. Thankfully I should be a PhD safely out of UPenn by then, but it shocked us all nonetheless.
Lastly, I talked to my best friend last night:
Don't let the bloody orifices fool you, he's actually quite sweet.
He thinks he's a cool guy ;) I'm just kidding, he's definitely not this full of himself... but he does think he's funny... Maybe, just maybe, I can find a normal picture of him somewhere... no luck.
Meet Sean, we've been friends for 12 years now. He's the biggest goof ball you could ever be fortunate enough to know. He knows me better than any other non-family member in my life (Kyle's included in family). PLUS, his insane Lithuanian last name is the clue for most of my online passwords since no one can spell it. While I refer to Kyle as my best friend, and while I can talk to Kyle about everything and love Kyle with all my heart (in fact, one of the most bestest things about Kyle is that he's not threatened by my relationship with Sean, like so many other ex-boyfriends have been), Sean is my link to my teenage years... Yeah, I was stupid and kooky and ridiculous, but I still look fondly back on those years nonetheless. No one else from those days is still in my life, so it's a big deal to me. Also, I would have hated most of high school if Sean wasn't there. He stood by as a good friend through every dumb relationship and decision I made. He was better than every boyfriend I ever had in high school and college even though he and I were never actually anything official. He was there when I needed him, he was an excellent listener.
After high school, he spent a lot of time in dead end jobs, got into trouble a few times, ended up in rehab, got into trouble a few more times, and spent some more time in some more dead end jobs. I am by no means disclosing all that to say my best friend is a loser. He maintains the best attitude towards his situation of anyone I have ever met. He takes responsibility for his actions and accepts their consequences. He is slowly but surely rebuilding his life. For the first time in a long time, when I talked to him for a full hour and a half this weekend, he sounded wonderful and hopeful and funny again. We even spent a little time reminiscing about high school, which mostly just means "Remember that one time at lunch?" and then uncontrollable laughing.
The reason I say all this is because I felt like I wasn't there for him when he was going through some of his hard times. I wanted to be, but I always had excuses- legitimate or not- that made it difficult to reach him or hang out with him for long. I think it's because I always felt like, as his junior by two years, I had no right to scold him for his actions, but I also couldn't pretend he hadn't done something dumb. I feel blessed though that even when I don't see him for months, our conversations have never felt like we're drifting apart. I'm so grateful for that. But we're going on an alarming number of months now since seeing each other and I feel a little unbalanced. I need his irreverence in my life. It kills me that I can't hang out with him after school like I used to.
Why is all this bubbling to the surface now? Well, I feel like I don't know how he didn't make it into my wedding party. I'm sure it had something to do with keeping it traditional or the fact that he would look absolutely hideous in a burgundy ruffly dress. Whatever the reason, I've been racking my brain for about a year as to how to include him. And not as the person who has to track people down and force them to sign the guestbook or something. It has to be meaningful, because he still means so much to me.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Did anyone else go through a sort of unhappy funk? I think I'm at the stage where I'm ready for it to be here and then over but I need more time to get everything done. Can anyone relate?